On The Witness Stand - A Comical Compilation of AA Geekdom Love
by Forgreatcoffee
Summary: How would AA characters react to knowing whom the gamers love the way I love my java, and for whom they feel loathing bitterness that's blacker than a moonless night? Read on as hilarious PW/DGS "witnesses" testify their thoughts and are interrogated by their favorite characters- The fourth wall has been broken!* *Names have been changed to protect these GUILTY of AA love Otakus!
1. Brock Lee

_Mr. Coffee: As is tradition, know that I am not the writer of any of these, although I do "star" in quite a few of them. This gem was by Jove's Boy, who is also the other writer alongside the Chooses To Remain Anonymous_ Wrighter _of my other (posted, not written) series " **Heartwarming Java Shots"** which also features yours truly, and my kitten amongst other fan faves. _

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**"Ace Attorney Alphabet Soup"  
Starring Witness Brock Lee!**

 **A** pollo Justice: Ace Attorney  
 **B** rit with wit  
 **C** rime stories  
 **D** eath Bringer of the Old Bailey: Barok Van Zieks!  
 **E** xpert on all things Sherlock Holmes  
 **F** anfiction: an ongoing Dai Gyakuten Saiban case-fic  
 **G** odot fan (see entry for W)  
 **H** olmes: Sherlock Holmes!  
 **I** do and I don't (like where the AA series is headed)  
 **J** okes, jokes, jokes  
 **K** nows a lot about famous detectives  
 **L** oves to post pictures of Apollo  
 **M** iles Edgeworth x Updated Autopsy Report shipper  
 **N** ewest admin in our forum!  
 **O** riginal storyline for a hypothetical AA movie  
 **P** rosecutor Barok Van Zieks is a badass!  
 **Q** uick to make a witty remark  
 **R** eally valuable member of our forum *****  
 **S** usato Mikotoba  
 **T** rucy Wright  
 **U** nited Kingdom is lucky to have this guy  
 **V** ery big (too big?) challenges for the Wright Anything Agency  
 **W** hatever remains, no matter how impossible, must be the truth!  
 **X** marks the spot (which is completely random here)  
 **Yo** u really should know how awesome Brock Lee is!  
 **Z** ieks … Van Zieks!

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 ***If you want to be the next witness on the stand, simply join the FB Forum: Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney Fans Unite: The Wright Kind of Wrong! and tell them Mr. Coffee sent you!**


	2. Abbie Seenia

_Mr. Coffee: This entry is by the other shy-guy writer of **Heart-Warming Java Shots** (I throw a pot of coffee at whoever has not read those romantic comedy drabbles yet!)We started out with a mild brew first chapter - but now here's a taste of full-blown courtroom hijinks as The Twisted Samurai puts an AA loving witness in the hot seat! _

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**"The Queen of Meme"**  
 **Starring Witness Abbie Seenia!**

Judge: Ho-ho! Looks like we have a new testimony coming up on the witness stand with Ms. Abbie Seenia !

*Courtroom clamors excitedly*

Simon: *growls ominously and reached for his sword* SILENCE!

Courtroom: *immediately hushes down to such dead taciturnity you could hear a pin drop*

Simon: *smirks at witness* Greetings, -dono. I am Prosecutor Simon Blackquill. Allow me to introduce my trusty cohort, Taka. He won't harm you – since you aren't a member of the Wright Anything Agency.

Athena: HOLD IT! Taka shouldn't ever be attacking us, ever! We're all working on the same side of…EEK! *ducks as the hawk swoops down menacingly at her in the gallery and she hides behind Apollo for cover.

Apollo: *ducks* OBJECTION! How come I'M the human shield?! I didn't do anything here!

Simon: *whistles and Taka flies back to his shoulder* Now that things are under control…we may commence proceeding. You can come out from under the bench, Your Baldness.

Judge: I – I wasn't hiding! I er…dropped my gavel.

Simon: Enough frittering away! Witness, state your name and occupation for the court.

Abbie Seenia: Hello everyone! ***Tries very hard to be typical AA witness*** My name is Abbie Seenia . I am the unofficial, legendary, self-pronounced Queen of Meme.

Simon: Favourite Ace Attorney game?

Abbie Seenia: I gotta say this. *deep inhale* Trials & Tribulations! The story, The Soundtrack, The Godot. Beautiful way to end the first trilogy. *gives Capcom giant applause* SOJ is great too, but for those who haven't played it, I won't spoil it for you!

Simon: Short and sweet. I approve. What is your Favourite Case?

Abbie Seenia: OMG… I remember this heart-stopper: Turnabout for Tomorrow. Holy Sheet! The imagery of that case was one of the craziest from all the AA games and made me to the best impression of a hotdog! That's how stiff I stood watching on that big screen of the iPad. I think that's why Simon looks like Pepe Le Pew!

Simon: *glares* I will let that balderdash go this ONE time, witness. If you do it again, I will subject you to forty lashes with a wet fish. Favourite defendant?

Abbie Seenia: Does this count Maya? Cuz seriously. She's on the stand every single game! But besides her, Ima pick someone else because we need to give that spirit medium a break, not a literal one. Athena Freaking Cykes. She went through a lot! Blurry past, seven years of school just to save Simon, and then to eventually follow true to Godot/Phoenix's words of crying when it's all over!

Simon: Humph. Yes…my mentor's greatest treasure was always a tenacious one. I suppose I should be grateful. Favourite prosecutor?

Abbie Seenia: R U serious? Why are you doing this to me?! Okay, I love Edgey. Don't get me wrong, but he's not up there. I am stuck between the Coffee Addict (William Javamug) and Weeabu2 (SimonNoChill) . These two are low-key funny with no chill and both have tragic backstories that make me love them both. Can I not have both?!

Simon: *smiles smugly* For once, a witness who may have redeemed herself from being recipient of my iaijutsu. Favourite ship?

Abbie Seenia: ***Rubs hands together like Director. Hotti***

This is the good sheet right here!

 **Phoenix/Maya (Narumayo)**  
Is my all time favorite ship. No lie. Like hot damn, these two made the AA franchise today besides Mia's intervention and still, they would've met each other through Mia! (She does it mostly through ghostly intervention during the trilogy and a little through Spir- Wait… no spoilers. Heheheh…) But seriously though, either viewed romantically or platonically, they are meant to be together through all those trials and tribulations. Their fates were aligned in T&T. Who TF travels out to the middle of East Asia nowhere after he hears that chick scream on the phone . He drops everything, looks Apollo straight in the eye and says, "Gonna go save the waifu. Bye guys!" And leaves in 30 seconds Even in outside games like UMvC3 & Portal X Zone 2, you don't see Nick teamed up with Apollo, Athena or Edgey. Nah, that's Maya's place! Put her right there! Keep her there! You see this spot right here **points to general gravitational pull of Phoenix** yeah, that's the waifu's spot… don't touch it.

I gotta do this one too, though brief but you can tell the love is there.

 **Mia/Diego (** Miego **)**

I WANT to SEE MORE! Give me that good God! Bring this guy back Capcom, I wanna update on the status ASAP! These two practically started it all, mmmkay? Look at the spice going on here! And you can tell, Godot cared so damn much for Mia. He even said, that she was beautiful in and out. This guy tracked down Dahlia and took care of Mia from her heartbroken moment at court. Then he automatically consented to Mia's plea in the last case of T&T. Stuff can make even grown men cry , oh wait…Though brief, it was still a great canon ship. And then Capcom is gonna Crapcom all over it because after T&T that's it. No update on Godot. Nada. I'm upset.

Ryūnosuke Naruhodō/Susato Mikotoba  
Original Narumayo. I'm going to leave this right here. And Susato, love the new look in DGS 2, fit right next to the defense nicely.

 _ **AND MY SUPER ALL TIME FAVORITE SHIP! This is the true OTP!**_

 **Apollo/Charley (** **Justley** **/Charllo)  
**  
These two are so hot together! Like I can't even! It's a beautiful couple! These two belong together. This is PB&J, Ham & Cheese level of commitment here! The love is there. Idc what anyone says! Ever since Apollo stepped in, it was rough the first six months, but Apollo was there, taking care of that lovely plant, Charley. He doesn't overwater it like Maya did nor made him turn yellow by that weird thing Ema put in in Rise of the Ashes. Nah, he took care of him JUST right. So beautiful *cries*

Apollo: OBJECTION! I'm being shipped with a PLANT?!

Simon: SILENCE Justice-dono! Unless you want me to cut you, I suggest you buck it! And witness – cease that crying! This is a courtroom! Not some high school level drama! Favourite assistant?

Abbie Seenia: Most of them are cinnamon rolls. Maya. The End. Kay, Bye. But Blackquill was funny too. (AA6 spoiler but come on he was on the trailer, dat don't count.)

Simon: The witness appears to have great taste in trial witnesses and prosecutors. I may allow myself to go Dutch on a bowl of soba noodles with you after court.

Judge: *bangs gavel* This ends the testimony for this day. But I sense a vibe of inedible liveliness and delightful mischief from this witness.

Abbie Seenia: *gives shit-eating grin and thumbs up*

Judge: My many years behind this bench have given me a keen sense of knowing when we'll be seeing one again on a reoccurring basis! I KNOW we haven't seen the last of this cheeky girl yet – I know I'll be seeing ya again! Ho-ho! Truly, it's been a pleasure having you, Ms. Seenia! Tune in again soon for the next **On the Witness Stand!**


	3. Ed U Cation

_Mr. Coffee: Trite's chum, Frills, attempts to calm The Wild Mare and tries not to lose his signature cool under TV spotlights - another entry by Jove's Boy._

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 **"THE ACE ATTORNEY AT NIGHT SHOW"  
** **Starring Witness Ed U. Cation!**

"THE ACE ATTORNEY AT NIGHT SHOW"

From the script of Episode 121, 5 Sep 2017:

STEVEN ZIRNKILTON (offstage): In the criminal justice system, the People are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police who investigate crime, and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.

[The trademark "DUN, DUN!" sound from the opening narration of "Law and Order" is heard. The stage lights are turned on and the curtains are opened to reveal the cast of said show: assistant district attorney JACK McCOY, his sexy assistant ABBIE CARMICHAEL, and police detectives LENNIE BRISOE and ED GREENE. They appear to be talking amongst themselves when CARMICHAEL screams and points to something offstage.]

CARMICHAEL: Look! Oh no, someone's been murdered!

McCOY: Oh, shut up, Abbie. It's not like you've never seen a dead body before.

BRISCOE: Bring him out here. We need to find out who he is and take him to Rodgers for a preliminary autopsy. Hey, you! Random kid who has nothing to do with the plot!

RANDOM KID: What do you want?

BRISCOE: I'm Detective Briscoe of the NYPD. Bring that man over here immediately!

[RANDOM KID rolls a cart onto the stage. In the cart is a very dead corpse of a man. Humming a little tune, GREENE makes his way to the cart and locates the victim's wallet.]

GREENE: Thanks, Random Kid. You may have just helped solve a homicide.

RANDOM KID: I did? Oh, wait till Mr. Gavin hears about this!

McCOY: Now get out of here.

RANDOM KID: Huh?

[RANDOM KID leaves the stage as GREENE holds the wallet up for the others to see.]

GREENE: Let's see … a couple of breath mints, seventeen dollars in cash, a public transit card, some family pictures … ah! His driver's license.

[BRISCOE takes the card from GREENE.]

BRISCOE: His name is Ed U. Cation. Big fan of the Ace Attorney series, it looks like. It says his favorite game is Investigations 2.

McCOY: Wait a minute. Ace Attorney? Isn't that the game series that mocks us? I mean, who in their right mind would put a parrot on the witness stand?

CARMICHAEL: If it meant winning the case, you'd do it, Jack. I know you would. Here's the bigger question, though … Detective, are you getting all this from the victim's driver's license? I mean—

RANDOM VOICE: HOLD IT!

[All the lights go off as a small earthquake hits the studio.]

CARMICHAEL: An earthquake in New York City? REALLY?

[Suddenly, those present onstage let out a loud screech. As the lights come back on, it appears that tentacles have fallen from the ceiling and are reaching for the nearest sustenance they can find.]

McCOY: What the hell is this?

BRISCOE: This has never happened on the show before.

GREENE: This has never happened in real life before.

CARMICHAEL: Not unless you've come face to face with a jellyfish.

[McCOY, CARMICHAEL, BRISCOE, and GREENE begin screaming again as the tentacles wrap themselves around their bodies. Despite their fruitless efforts, however, the tentacles haul them up through the ceiling, leaving only the echoes of their screams.]

MAN'S VOICE/WOMAN'S VOICE (in unison): Objection! OBJECTION!

MAN'S VOICE: We're not in New York City. We're in—

[The sound of a whip cracking is heard.]

WOMAN'S VOICE: I know where we are, Little Brother! But I want some answers—and I will demand them with my whip if necessary!

[From opposite sides of the stage, MILES EDGEWORTH and FRANZISKA VON KARMA make their grand entrances and meet at ED U. CATION's body.]

EDGEWORTH (tapping his finger on his opposite arm): Franziska. Are we not supposed to be interviewing this man today?

FRANZISKA: Foolish fool! Who does he think he is? Rip van Tinkle?

EDGEWORTH: That's Rip van Winkle, Franziska.

FRANZISKA: Whatever, Little Brother. It's time to wake him up.

EDGEWORTH: But Franziska, he's—

[FRANZISKA cracks her whip close to ED U. CATION's ear. Suddenly, he bolts upright, looking around frantically.]

ED U. CATION: Is it over? Is it over? Oh, thanks so much, you guys, you have no idea what it was like being stuck on the wrong show.

FRANZISKA: Foolish fool! How could you have possibly mistaken our own adventures—starring myself, by the way, just thought you should know that—for that hell-forsaken "Law and Order" show?

ED U. CATION (politely pointing at the marquee): It did read "Law and Order" a few minutes ago.

FRANZISKA: They must have taken it with them … which means that those foolish fools were stealing our set!

EDGEWORTH: Calm down, Franziska. They're gone now. Logic dictates that everyone knows our game series is so much better. [The three take their places at the interview table.]

ZAK GRAMARYE (from the speakers): Everything is ready! Let's get this show running.

EDGEWORTH: Please.

GRAMARYE: Here we go, then! Let's make this fast so I can return to being legally dead again.

ED U. CATION: Aren't you already dead? Why are you even here?! Out of all the victims in the Ace Attorney franchise, you're the worst, I'm telling you. The worst!

GRAMARYE (having heard nothing): Lights, camera, ACTION! [He pauses.] In the criminal justice system, the People are separated by two separate yet equally important groups: the police who investigate crimes, and the—aaarrggh! NOOOOOOOOO! [A sudden crack is heard over the speakers, followed by the "DUN, DUN!" sound effect.]

ED U. CATION: Uh oh. What do you suppose THAT was?

MAN'S VOICE (from the speakers): Well, well, well. Zak Gramarye. I knew you would show your face eventually. I was willing to let the atroquinine do its work, but this was too good of an opportunity to pass up.

EDGEWORTH: Gavin? Kristoph Gavin? [KRISTOPH does not say anything further.] Oh, well. Gumshoe has the week off, so let's send in Briscoe and Greene.

FRANZISKA: Foolish fools, the lot of them. Auf geht's! Let's get this show on the road. [She consults her notes.] Mr. Ed U. Cation from … the Wright Kind of Wrong Toyhouse?

ED U. CATION: Well, not exactly. But it may as well be. We have all kinds of fun there.

EDGEWORTH: So I've heard! [FRANZISKA gives him a strange look.] What? I don't just spend my days WHIPPING people, Franziska. I do use e-mail and Facebook, you know.

FRANZISKA: Foolishly foolish fools with faces fooled by foolishly foolish fool's foolish books.

EDGEWORTH: Do you stay up all night practicing those in front of the mirror?

FRANZISKA: You would know, Little Brother. So Ed U. Cation, who is your favorite Ace Attorney character and why?

ED U. CATION: Well, I—

EDGEWORTH: Objection! You are leading the witness, Franziska von Karma! You know perfectly well that you are his favorite.

FRANZISKA: He's only speaking the truth, Miles Edgeworth! Now it also says something here about a favorite ship? You mean like the Titanic?

ED U. CATION: Titanic?

FRANZISKA: The actual ship, I mean. Not that 1997 blockbuster movie about Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet portraying a romance that NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENED!

ED U. CATION: Fredgeworth.

FRANZISKA: Fridgeworth? Is that a new brand of refrigerator?

EDGEWORTH: Know you nothing about popular culture, Franziska?

ED U. CATION: Fredgeworth. It's like putting Franziska and Edgeworth together!

FRANZISKA: And what foolish fool in their right mind would do such a … wait. You said me and Edgeworth? As a couple?

ED U. CATION: Yeah. You two are AWESOME. Your comedic banter is so much fun to follow, but really makes you awesome is how multifaceted your relationship is.

FRANZISKA: Comedic? Multifaceted? You flatter me, Ed U. Cation.

EDGEWORTH: It also says here that your favorite case of the series is Farewell, My Turnabout. Ah yes, that was the big one I prosecuted when I returned to the States.

FRANZISKA: You mean the big one that I was supposed to prosecute! Instead I ended up getting SHOT by that psychopath!

ED U. CATION: But hey, you saved the case anyway! You got us the final piece of evidence that nailed the prosecution's case shut.

FRANZISKA: Next up … who is your favorite murderer?

EDGEWORTH: Wait, WHAT?! Who comes up with these questions? [ED U. CATION simply points to someone offstage and shrugs.] Oh, I see. All right, then.

ED U. CATION: She was like the wicked witch of the witness stand …

EDGEWORTH (perking up instantly): Oh, Wendy Oldbag?

FRANZISKA: Quiet down, Miles Edgeworth! SHE'LL HEAR YOU!

ED U. CATION: Dahlia Hawthorne.

EDGEWORTH: DON'T SPEAK HER NAME!

FRANZISKA: Pipe down, Miles Edgeworth! Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.

HERMIONE GRANGER (offstage): Quit stealing my lines!

FRANZISKA (yelling): You foolishly foolish perfectionist of a fool's fool!

EDGEWORTH: That's sort of the pot calling the kettle black, isn't it? So, Ed U. Cation, what do YOU hear when a dementor gets close to you?

ED U. CATION: My worst memory? I'd say that was when I was forced to present the forged page from Magnifi Gramarye's diary.

FRANZISKA: Wait, that was YOU?! You mean to say that you're the one who lost Wright his badge?

ED U. CATION (shrugging): Well, it's not like I had any other choice. The show had to go on, after all.

EDGEWORTH: Wright was all right in the end, right? Well, that brings tonight's show to a close.

FRANZISKA: Have a great evening, folks! Don't go doing anything foolish.

EDGEWORTH: Good night, everyone!

[The "DUN, DUN!" sound effect is heard one final time.]

ED U. CATION: You know, someone needs to fire that sound effect director…


	4. Yanmegaman

_Mr. Coffee: Many of you know his FF works for the AA fandom...now you're about to get Yanmegaman's shameless otaku rants about AA, OTPS and "puppy love"..._

* * *

 **"Oh, For the love of DOGS!"**  
 **Starring Witness Yanmegman!**

JUDGE: Witness, please state your name and occupation.

WITNESS: Yanmegaman, Ace Fan Boy and Co-Founder Admin of "Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney Fans Unite: The Wright Kind of Wrong!" AKA the GREATEST AA FORUM ON EARTH™

JUDGE: Ho-ho! That's quite catchy! I like this witness already! Ms. Cykes, you may begin your cross-examination.

ATHENA: *punches fist into hand* The defense is ready, Your Honor! LET'S DO THIS! Mr. YANMEGAMAN…

YANMEGAMAN: Please feel free to call me YANMEGAMAN. *wiggles eyebrows* Or…feel free to just CALL ME, period.

ATHENA: Oh! Well….*blushes and starts stroking her ponytail*

APOLLO: *glares at YANMEGAMAN* OBJECTION!

JUDGE: On WHAT grounds, Mr. Justice?

APOLLO: *turns bright red* Um, the witness is obviously hitting on the defense! And um…this is a COURT, not a SINGLES BAR!

JUDGE: Sustained. Mr. YANMEGAMAN, if you wish to have Ms. Cykes call you, you can give her your phone number AFTER court!

YANMEGAMAN: You got it, Your Honor! *grins and gives thumbs up*

APOLLO: ….

ATHENA: Ahem. YANMEGAMAN….state your favorite witness?

YANMEGAMAN: As of SOJ, without a doubt, Armie Buff! The moment when this pint sized cutie stole Widget, fired off every weapon on her drone, and even stole the Judge's gavel, in between the tears caused by laughing so hard, I knew I'd found the pinnacle of witnesses. (Also, precious JusticeCykes daughter is precious)

APOLLO: *chokes* HOLD IT! WHAT?! Tiger…we have a daughter?!

Athena: *flashes peace sign* Oh, didn't I mention? Anyway, I swear I was going to show you the adoption papers as soon as they got finalized…

APOLLO: *horns drooping* WHY am I always the last one to find out about these things?! *mumbles* Actually Armie Justice doesn't sound too bad, and I'm not against the idea…but would it have killed Athena to ASK me first…

ATHENA: ANYWAY… Least favorite case?

YANMEGAMAN: If you had asked me this before SOJ, my response would have been the same as so many others: Turnabout Big Top. But then, as if Takumi hadn't learned his lesson the first time when it came to cross-examining clowns, along comes Turnabout Storyteller. I could spend a literal HOUR dissecting every piece of this case that doesn't work. But let's just focus on the big one…

This is Athena's second playable case in the series. Time to really show off what she's capable of now, right?  
WRONG! Instead, let's just shove Edgey McSamurai down your throat, because he's important to the overall story of the game, right? (Spoiler: He isn't)

Athena was made to look completely weak and incompetent to the point I had to question if I was even playing as the same character from Dual Destinies. Among this mess of plot holes, poor localization, and questionable courtroom ethics (The Judge literally just sat there and let a teenager consume alcohol) I can't even remember a single character's name, other than Owen. And I remember almost every character's name usually, even the victims!

Never have I seen a butchering of a character I love so much!

ATHENA: *big grin* I should be offended by this, but his defense of my character assassination is just SO sweet! Apollo…STOP GLOWERING at poor YANMEGAMAN! He's only speaking from his heart!

APOLLO: FINE! I'M asking this next question then! Mr. Speaks From His Heart YANMEGAMAN… Do you think Dual Destinies deserved its M-Rating?

YANMEGAMAN: Honestly, when I heard DD was gonna be rated M, I was legitimately excited. Finally, an AA game with darker themes, explicit language, and maybe even cases dealing with crimes almost as fucked up murder!  
But, instead I got one scene with more blood than usual….Yay?

APOLLO: Fair enough. I suppose having Tiger tie her up and then ask if I'm into that sort of thing didn't help either! Moving along…. Do you like what they did to Phoenix in the Apollo Justice game?

YANMEGAMAN: *crosses arms* Allow me to answer your question with another question. Do you like dogs?

APOLLO: Er, yeah, I guess. Who doesn't? Although I'm more of a cat person….

ATHENA: Of COURSE I like dogs! Only psychos wouldn't like a furry fluffy bundle of joy! I can always hear the happiness in their little hearts!

YANMEGAMAN: Imagine, for a moment, you adopt a dog. An adorable little dog, any breed you want. Now imagine you spend years playing with this dog, and training him. Let's say you train him to be a Seeing-Eye dog for someone, maybe your daughter, who was born with poor eyesight. Now imagine after all these years, this dog is finally, truly ready to fulfill the duty you've given him. And NOW imagine Capcom comes up, breaks this dog's legs and hands you a new dog, basically the same in every way but without the same bond you formed with the first one.

PHOENIX: *from gallery* OBJECTION! I'm …a DOG?!

APOLLO: OVERRULED! At least YOU got to be the useful SEEING-EYE dog that people love and depend on, Mr. Wright! I'M the new scamp that had big shoes to fill, who apparently nobody ever wanted!

YANMEGAMAN: Mr. Wright – no offense intended. You were the lovable symbol of everything everyone loves, just like a dog: undying adoration and loyalty!

PHOENIX: Heh, heh. Then thanks… I guess?

YANMEGAMAN: Which is why that… Is not even HALF of how I felt when I found out Phoenix had been disbarred, turned into a hobo, and some kid with a snarky attitude was supposed to take his place!

APOLLO: *horns droop* I don't MEAN to be snarky – just sarcastic! I was only trying to be just like Mr. Wright! He was my idol…

YANMEGAMAN: Granted, I've come to love Apollo since and Phoenix has made a full recovery, but that bad taste in my mouth ain't going any time soon.

ATHENA: *beams and clasps her hands against her shoulder* Now wasn't that nice? Don't you two feel better now? You're BOTH sweet little puppies that Yanmegaman likes! Snark and all!

APOLLO: …

ATHENA: Last but not least…YANMEGAMAN, your favorite ship?

YANMEGAMAN: Coming as a surprise to absolutely no one, the Greek God couple, Beauty and the Geek, Sun and Moon, JusticeCykes!

APOLLO: *sweat drops* We're not officially… I mean, yeah, we're sorta…but…

ATHENA: *turn bright red* It's complicated….we haven't given it a TITLE yet…

PHOENIX: Stop acting so embarrassed, you guys! Did you really think it was a secret? It's not like I mind my employees dating! I've been a secret shipper this whole time!

YANMEGAMAN: Honestly, I can understand why people might ship other pairs with these two, but I can't see how anyone can simply dismiss them. They're pure unadulterated adorkableness at its finest! Not to mention, that first meeting is some of the funniest stuff in the entire series. Imagine explaining that to your kids:

"Daddy, how did you and Mommy meet?"  
"Well, son, your mother threw a full grown police officer at me, nearly shattering my spine and taking six years off my life."  
Perfection!

JUDGE: Well, who doesn't like a good love story, no matter how unconventional the beginning was? Sign ME up for that ship as well! *bangs gavel* Court is adjourned! Mr. YANMEGAMAN, thank you for being ON THE WITNESS STAND!


	5. Su Shee

_Mr. Coffee: Feliz Navidad to all. Enjoy this Witness Stand edition featuring testimony from a source with a name that's sparked hilarity from fans at the expense of the AA localization team about a certain red attorney's penchant for Japanese fare that gets mistkaen for the Burger Queen's favorite food! By Jove's Boy._

* * *

" **Eat your** _ **hamburgers**_ **, Apollo!"  
** **Starring Witness Su Shee!**

 **THE ACE ATTORNEY AT NIGHT SHOW STARRING APOLLO JUSTICE - _From the script of Episode 114, 14 Aug 2017:_**

ANNOUNCER (offstage): Ladies and gentlemen, rabid fanboys and fangirls, lawyers and prosecutors, heroes and villains, and Legos and Tinker Toys (because we've ALL enjoyed one or the other at some point), the Wright Kind of Wrong forum is proud to present: **_The Ace Attorney at Night Show_** , starring _Apollo Justice!_

[Enter APOLLO JUSTICE stage left. He strides across the stage confidently {which bears a marquee stating the name of the show} and takes a seat at his desk.]

APOLLO: Welcome to our show, where everyone and everything is FINE! [He consults his notes.] So has anyone heard this one? A lawyer, a prosecutor, and a judge walked into a bar.

[There is complete silence in the audience. Somewhere, a cricket starts chirping.]

APOLLO (under his breath): Everyone's a critic.

APOLLO: Our special guest tonight is a huge fan of the Ace Attorney franchise—please put your hands together for, Ms. Su Shee!

[Enter SU SHEE stage right. She waves to the audience, then takes a seat across from APOLLO.]

SU SHEE: Thank you, thank you, Apollo. You know, you look really nice today.

APOLLO: Why, thank you, milady.

SU SHEE: I could have sworn I heard a parrot in the audience. You wouldn't happen to be harboring any fugitives, would you?

APOLLO: N-No! I'm guessing you've never seen our show before. We have a special section in the audience reserved for animals.

[APOLLO gestures to the animal section, where POLLY THE PARROT, CRACKER THE PARROT, MISSILE THE DOG, SHOE THE CAT, MONEY THE MONKEY, SHAH'DO THE PUPPY, RIFLE THE PENGUIN, TAKA THE HAWK, and ORLA THE ORCA are seated, perched, or otherwise resting.]

SU SHEE: Okay. That's fine. You're fine, I guess.

APOLLO: Why, thank you, milady. You know, Su Shee – formerly known as _Dah Phantom_ \- is a very interesting name. You wouldn't happen to know _**the**_ _Phantom_ of seven years past, would you?

SU SHEE: Well, I could tell you, but of course I'd have to kill you.

APOLLO: W-W-What?

SU SHEE: I'm joking, I'm joking! [Silence.] Maybe.

APOLLO: You could've waited until Mr. Wright was here to threaten me! Do you have something against people who look like chickens?

SU SHEE: No, of course not! But I –

[APOLLO rises from his chair and pounds his fists on the desk. SU SHEE looks scandalized.]

APOLLO: I'm named after a freakin' sun god, you know!

SU SHEE: That's nice. You're still my least-favorite attorney, though.

APOLLO (his twin spikes drooping as he sits down): I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine …

SU SHEE: It's nothing against you personally!

APOLLO: I don't have to take this! [He stands up and grabs his notes.] I'm leaving. Good day. I SAID GOOD DAY!

[Exit APOLLO stage left.]

SU SHEE: Well, that was awkward.

[Enter MAYA FEY stage left. As she skips over to the desk APOLLO has vacated, she tears his name off the marquee and tapes her own on. The marquee now reads "THE ACE ATTORNEY AT NIGHT SHOW STARRING MAYA FEY."]

SU SHEE: Maya Fey!

MAYA: I see I need no introduction. [MAYA takes a seat in APOLLO's chair.] You'll have to excuse Apollo. He can be rather hot-blooded, like the color he wears. [She consults her notes.] So, Ms. Sienna. You're not really into the shipping thing, but you do have some pairings you enjoy more. Tell us a little about that.

SU SHEE: Well, first there's Maya and Athena. You two are so outgoing, and you're a lot of fun to have around.

MAYA: That's very nice of you.

SU SHEE: Well, I'm a sucker for positive people!

MAYA: Any other ships you support?

SU SHEE: Phoenix and Maya, of course! He's always done so much to save you. And he's so accepting of your lovely quirks.

MAYA: Quirks? I have quirks? Well, I suppose I can't deny that.

SU SHEE: You're always there to make him smile, you know.

MAYA: I certainly do! Thank you very much! [She consults her notes again.] So it says here that you also enjoy Hugh O'Conner and Juniper Woods. It's a lesser-known pairing, isn't it?

SU SHEE: Yeah. They did seem to lack exposure, and their relationship had so much potential.

MAYA: They were students at Themis Legal Academy, I believe?

[Before SU SHEE can answer, three voices are heard from offstage: two men, one woman.]

VOICES: HOLD IT!

[Enter APOLLO JUSTICE, ATHENA CYKES, and YANMEGAMAN stage left. They run across the stage and surround MAYA.]

MAYA: Uh, what are you guys doing here?

APOLLO: You were talking about Themis Legal Academy.

ATHENA (flashing the peace sign): That was the first case I was the lead defense on!

MAYA (to YANMEGAMAN): Uh, who are you? And why are you here?

YANMEGAMAN: All right, I'm Yanmegaman, and I'm fine, see? My own spotlight was just done over at "On the Witness Stand," and part of my contract states that I get to spend two days with Apollo and Athena.

MAYA: Then go back to your own show!

APOLLO: This IS my show!

SU SHEE: Not anymore! [She gestures toward the Maya-modified marquee {say that five times fast!} and looks at Apollo with an evil smile.]

[Suddenly, MONEY THE MONKEY leaps onstage and attacks APOLLO, trying to steal his bracelet.]

MONEY: Ook! Ee-ee-OOK! [He succeeds in prying the bracelet off APOLLO's wrist and scampers away stage right.]

APOLLO: Nghooooooooh!

ANNOUNCER (who is actually MILES EDGEWORTH, from offstage): Quit stealing my lines!

[Exit APOLLO, ATHENA, and YANMEGAMAN stage right.]

SU SHEE: The Themis Legal Academy case from Dual Destinies, anyway.

MAYA: Turnabout Academy?

SU SHEE: Yeah. I fell in love with the Ace Attorney games when I played that case.

MAYA: Would you say Dual Destinies is your favorite game, then?

SU SHEE: It sure is! And it has the Mood Matrix. I think I prefer that to Apollo's perceive and Nick's magatama. No disrespect to you, of course!

MAYA: No offense taken! Apollo's perceive ability is pretty tricky. Speaking of that, I wonder if he got his bracelet back from that monkey.

[A loud crash is heard from backstage, followed by some serious Chords of Steel. MAYA simply sighs.]

MAYA: Last question! Ace Attorney had a crossover with Professor Layton—in which I nearly DIED IN A FIRE, by the way—and it seems that fans of both series really enjoyed it. Are there any other gaming franchises you'd like to see an Ace Attorney crossover with?

SU SHEE: I'd have to say Danganronpa!

MAYA: That's a good one. [She stands up and does her customary bow.] Well, it was wonderful having you on our today, Dah Phantom.

SU SHEE: Thank you! There's something I was wondering about, though …

MAYA: Yes?

SU SHEE: I can't quite visualize how that killer whale is even IN here. I mean, there's no way she can even fit in the studio audience, right?

ORLA THE ORCA: _Fweet_ fweet fweet _!_ [MAYA shudders.]

MAYA: Sometimes it's best to just not ask questions. [She waves to the audience.] Thank you!

[Exit MAYA and SU SHEE stage left. As they walk off, MONEY THE MONKEY scampers in from stage right, APOLLO's bracelet in hand, and races around the stage.]

EDGEWORTH: Join us on next week's exciting episode of the Ace Attorney at Night Show, starring someone. We'll figure that out later. [ANOTHER VOICE suddenly sounds through the speaker.]

VOICE: Starring Wendy Oldbag! I'm sure my Edgey-poo would love having me as a host. Announcing my lovely name. And then I'll take off his—"

EDGEWORTH: Nghooooh! HOLD IT! Ergo … OBJECTION! Get away from me!

OLDBAG: Cravat! I was gonna say cravat! Milesy-boy, you know you love it!


	6. Ginger Vitas

_Mr. Coffee: Proof that you don't need to be an expert to see what even THIS blind man can see..._

* * *

 **"Oral Fixation"**

 **Starring Witness Ginger Vitas!**

* * *

Ema: Stop trying to talk your way out of this, you stupid fop! You're in the wrong – end of story!

Klavier: Why can't you listen to reason?! _Fräulein Doktor_ , what is _your_ opinion on this matter?

Dr. Ginger Vitas: Mr. Gavin, Ms. Skye…I'd like to state for the record, before we begin, that while I _am_ a doctor – I'm a dentist! I'm _not_ a therapist or psychologist by any means, so I'm not sure how much I can help the two of you with this little squabble you're having!

Ema: *shrugs* we needed an impartial third party opinion. Besides, you were the _only_ one open on Christmas Day…

Ginger Vitas: _Si, es verdad_ …but for _oral_ emergencies!

Klavier: _Achtung, Baby!_ This WAS an oral emergency! I cracked my tooth on a stale Snackoo that was buried in _Fräulein Detective's_ desk, and I needed to get _mein_ million dollar smile fixed immediately!

Ema: *scowling* it serves you right, fop! Who told you to go snooping around in my office?

Klavier: *shit eating grin* I can't go around making the fan girls swoon with cracked pearly whites, _Fräulein Detective!_

Ema: The same mindless bimbos who're always clamoring about and destroying my crime scene!

Klavier: *cough* JEALOUS MUCH? *cough*  
Anyway – I wasn't _snooping_! I thought I'd _surprise_ you by sneaking a Christmas gift into your drawer, and saw the open bag, so I thought there would be no issues with finally knowing what these crunchy snacks you are always munching and _pelting me with_ – but never offer to me to eat! – taste like!

Ema: Bah Humbug! As if a lousy _present_ would atone for dealing with your arrogant, insufferable _arsch_ all year!  
*tosses Snackoo at Klavier's forehead with a loud **KA-TONK**!*

Klavier: But it was a brand-new forensics testing kit!  
*turns puppy god eyes to Dr. Vitas*  
Do you see _the_ kind of undeserved _contempt_ I must endure from my subordinate, _Fräulein Doktor?_

Ginger Vitas: *snickers*  
I am quite enjoying this lovers' spat of yours, really! So much passion and fire under all that hostility! There's a reason you're my OTP, Klema!

Klavier: KLEMA?!

Ema: What the heck? You SHIP us?!

Ginger Vitas: *smiles sheepishly*  
I ship many couples, like Phaya, Fredgeworth, JusticeCykes, Barnlaw (omg I really love this ship), Miego, Lana x Mia (In my world they had an affair in college) but I have to say that my favorite ship ever, EVER, is **_you two_** – Klavier X Ema – known to AA fans as _Klema_.

Ema: Gah! You're _loca_ , lady! I HATE him!

Ginger Vitas: *smirks knowingly*

Klavier: *smug grin* methinks the lady doth protest too much! It seems the lovely Latina _Fräulein Doktor_ has sharp insight to matters beyond molars!

Ginger Vitas: Detective Skye –

Ema: You can call me Ema.

Ginger Vitas: EMA… Can't you see how _perfect_ you two are together? You're both are almost the same age –

Ema: Objection! I am a year _older_ and therefore _wiser_!

Ginger Vitas: That factor notwithstanding, you're _both_ also extremely beautiful! But what I really love is the chemistry between you! Mr. Gavin…

Klavier: *winks*  
Call me Klavier, _schöner Doktor_. That means _beautiful_ , by the way!

Ginger Vitas: *blushes*

Ema: *glares*  
Oh will you give it a rest, you incorrigible _Mann Hure!_

Ginger Vitas: This is your dynamic: Klavier is _such_ a diva… and Ema is just like _"shut up fop!"_ You make fun of each other, but I think _Ema's_ the one who keeps him grounded. She sees him as a _human being_ , not as a rock star, and I think _Klavier_ really appreciates it.

Ema and Klavier: *both glance at one another, turn red, then look away*

Ginger Vitas: Beyond your differences, you're both very similar, too! Although you have friends, I always saw you as lonely wolves who found each other. I believe that Ema is the only one who can understand Klavier's suffering after the last case of _Apollo Justice_ , where Kristoph's evil deeds were brought into full light. I thought all _"the hate"_ Ema felt for him was because she believed (like everyone) that Klavier was the one who disbarred Phoenix but, when the truth finally came to light, she actually _did_ forgive him. Furthermore, scientifically speaking… _opposites attract._

Ema: *groans*  
Oh for heaven's sake! What's next, doc? You're going to tell us your _favorite victim?!_

Ginger Vitas: Well…since you _asked_ … First of all, I want to say that it's not my _favorite_ because she is dead…she's my favorite because she is the one who I couldn't overcome NEVER. Yes, I'm talking about Mia Fey.

Klavier: _Herr Wright's_ mentor was indeed a legal legend.

Ginger Vitas: Even, I don't know, 3 or 4 years after I played this game, I can't believe she is dead. When I was introduced to this wonderful trilogy, I first played _Turnabout Memories_ as Mia. So when I played the first game and she died, I was really shocked. And don't make me talk about the time when I met Diego Armando and the tragic Miego love story. _Dios mio_ , my entire soul cried blood. Mia Fey was an amazing woman who loved and protected her family even from the other side. Oh man, I really miss her! She was so beautiful, so brave… Definitely is one of my favorite characters ever!

Ema: Mia was the one I was seeking to help Lana when I first met Mr. Wright. But enough about who you _love_ , doc.  
*glowers at Klavier*  
Who's your _least_ favourite prosecutor?

Ginger Vitas: Without any doubt Nahyuta Sahdmadhi. I really _hateee_ him! Usually I love prosecutors. I fell in love with Edgeworth, I wanted to be like Franziska, I cried with Godot, I fainted thousands of times with Klavier…

Klavier: You flatter me, _Fräulein Doktor_

Ema: Shut up fop! Quit interrupting the nice lady who shares my taste in debonair, _simmerous_ , not _glimmerous,_ prosecutors!

Klavier: *wounded expression*  
You really know how to hurt a man, _Fräulein_ _Detective_!

Ginger Vitas: Oh, I just _melted_ with Barnham! As for Simon… well… Simon is… _funny_? Anyway, I believe _Nahyuta_ is a cheap copy of _Edgeworth_! I even feel sick comparing him with my beloved Edgey! But I don't know, I just wanted to punch his face every time I saw him!

Ema: Well, Prosecutor Sadmahdi _can_ be unbearably sanctimonious – guess it goes with the whole _monk_ territory! Alas, there can only be ONE Miles Edgeworth!

Klavier: I see we have another member of the _Herr Frilly Fan Club_! But now it's my turn to ask a question! _Fräulein Doktor,_ did you prefer Ema Skye as she was in _Rise from the Ashes_ or Ema Skye the grumpy _Fräulein_ she's been since _Apollo Justice_?

Ema: *whips another Snackoo at Klavier, who manages to duck this time*

Ginger Vitas: I love Ema Skye in every way possible… but if I _have_ to choose, I liked her as she was in AJ. I believe we have so many happy and optimistic characters over there, so she has the perfect balance! Yes, she is moody and grumpy, but when she smiles, the world stops and the screen brightens with the light of her happiness!

Klavier: *raises brow*  
 _Fräulein Perm-Scowl_ has actually _smiled_ in the past?  
*ducks another Snackoo toss*

Ginger Vitas: OK, maybe I'm exaggerating, but I feel that way! Ha-ha! However, what I _really, reaaaally_ love about Ema is that she never gave up with her dream. She had so many obstacles in her path, so many rocks, but she didn't care. In this game full of prodigies, Ema Skye is one of the most realistic characters and I believe she is an example of perseverance. Definitely, she is my favorite character.

Ema: *flashes a smile that could put the sun to shame*  
Thank you so much! I _reaaaally_ like you, Ginger Vitas!

Klavier: *seems taken aback by his subordinate's radiant beam, clears throat*  
Er, on the topic of my debut AA game, what is your opinion on the Lamiroir storyline, _Fräulein Doktor_?

Ginger Vitas: I really don't understand _why_ all the mystery! WHY THEY DIDN'T TELL THEEEEM! What is wrong with youuu?! I've always imagined the dreadful possibility that Trucy and Apollo fall in love with each other and start a secret romance, when suddenly Phoenix appears and says " _Hey, you two are siblings!"…_ like, WHAT THE HELL?!

Ema: *blinks*  
Wow…who says dentists have no imagination?

Klavier: _Achtung, Baby_! _Herr_ Wright's daughter is _still underaged_!

Ginger Vitas: Fine, fortunately, _that_ didn't happen, but you have to admit it is totally possible in the real world! Beyond that, I believe the day they know the truth, Trucy will be really happy but she will stay with Phoenix. On the other hand, I think Apollo will be more confused and shocked about this, maybe he'll get angry for all the secrecy at first, but finally, I think he will accept it. Anyway, I hope all this get solved in the next game!

Ema: One last question…what's one thing you think the Ace Attorney games can improve on?

Ginger Vitas: This has nothing to do with the playability, but I would like to see _any_ ship become canon! I don't know which ship… I don't care! All the characters are growing up, getting older and they areeee _singleeee_! Just give me loooveeee Capcom, give me a wedding between main characters, give me _somethiiing…anything_!  
*smiles hopefully at Ema and Klavier then points up at the mistletoe hanging overhead*

Ema: *turns bright red* You've GOT to be kidding! _No freaking way!_

Ginger Vitas: Consider a Christmas kiss between my OTP _my fee_ for not only the fixed tooth, but the "counseling" session! Do you _really_ want to know what a dentist would charge for a last minute dental emergency?

Ema: *turns pale* More than one can afford on an honest detective salary, I imagine…although surely the fop can afford to pay your bill…

Klavier: *blushes* Actually, _Fräulein_ _Detective_ , in our hasty drive over from the police station, I'm afraid I forgot my wallet on your desk…

Ginger Vitas: *smiles wickedly* looks like you two don't have much of a choice…

Klavier: *glances up at the mistletoe, shrugs, then grabs Ema, bends her back over his arm, and plants a long kiss on her lips*

Ema: *resists at first, then emits a long sigh/barely stifled groan and returns kiss*

Ginger Vitas: *awestruck as she watches the _still_ embracing duo suck out each-other's fillings*

Klema: *Klavier is evidently trying to succumb a very pliant Ema to a full-mouthed cavity search*

Ginger Vitas: Wow! _I_ may be the dentist here, but looks like Prosecutor Gavin is intent on _thoroughly_ giving Detective Skye a full _oral_ _examination_! Tee hee! _Feliz Navidad_ , AA lovers…and to all a good night!


	7. Noah Moore

_Mr. Coffee: No Ayden Payne here..._

* * *

 _ **"The Memoirs of a Genius"  
**_ **Starring Witness Noah Moore!**

* * *

 **An excerpt from " _The Memoirs of a Genius"_ (rough draft)  
** **Written on** **September 5, 2028, copyright by author Winston Auchi Payne**

What did I ever do to deserve this? I was just minding my own business one evening, working on some paperwork at the prosecutor's office. I work late whenever I can, sometimes into the wee hours of the night! It shows my superiority to the other attorneys in this district. Now and then, I'll take a break from my paperwork (because even a perfect prosecutor like myself can't work ALL the time!) and turn on the television set to watch "The Ace Attorney at Night" show. Last night's guest was a youngin', went by the name of Noah.

The boy had the GALL to say that he doesn't consider me a real prosecutor! I mean, sure, maybe I don't win every case, but at least I'm a nice guy. I'm not like that blue-haired woman with her whip, or that one guy with the mask who drinks coffee _ad nauseam_ and even throws it at the opposing counsel! (I don't mind that the guy getting the coffee in his face is Phoenix Wright, but it's the principle of the matter that's important here.) Then there was that samurai wannabe with his pet hawk. Taka seems to have some sort of fetish for bald heads, so I've seen my fair share of abuse from him. This past year, there was that holy man from Khura'in, his beads of justice, and whatever the hell that power was that let him squeeze the life out of opposing counsel. (Not that injuring Phoenix Wright's infamous pointer finger is such a bad thing, but again, it's the principle.)

Then there's my little brother Gaspen. Last I heard from him, he was practicing law in Khura'in. Khura'in, of all places! And he tried to kill—that's right, KILL—Phoenix Wright through that one law. What an _idiot_! Heaven only knows where he is now. At least _I_ got the brains in our family, and the looks, too!

Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth may be Noah's favorite prosecutor because he's "the one prosecutor who doesn't physically threaten you all the time, always wants to find the truth, and is always there when things look most bleak." But to have the gall to say that on national television without acknowledging that I, myself, the most impressive prosecutor of them all, have those same qualities … why, he ought to be arrested.

If I had been the prosecutor on Rise _from the Ashes_ , which is Noah's least favorite case, I would have made sure that case had a completely different ending! It wouldn't have felt like it was (according to him) the case that would never end, the case that kept snatching the victory away from you over and over again. It would have been done in one court session, and the defendant would have confessed without a second thought! I suppose there's a certain merit, however, in Noah's assertion that while Ema was a cute assistant, she is no Maya.

His least favorite Ace Attorney memory, he declared, was the death of Mia Fey. He feels the game could have taken a completely different turn if it wasn't for her death. The game could have been about Mia and Phoenix taking down all the evil and corruption side by side, first by stopping Redd White and, later still, taking down Manfred von Karma. I never did like that man. As for Miss Fey … well, she was the first one to beat me in court, yes, but she was a decent woman. Even though I never once won a case after that. Just imagine the potential of Mia Fey, Phoenix Wright, AND Winston Payne, working together to bring down the likes of Redd White and Manfred von Karma!

 _Just keep dreaming, Winston. Just keep dreaming._

Lawyers. They all seem to have some sort of device that allows them to CHEAT their way to victory! Phoenix Wright has that magatama thingy that he uses to break psychos. It's the most beneficial, perhaps, because without the evidence it provides, you have nothing.

Apollo has the special bracelet that makes his eyes turn _red_. _**Red**_ _!_ (His is the only gimmick I've actually seen with my own eyes. It was during Phoenix Wright's trial, of course—the trial where I was basically a placeholder. That whole thing was Apollo and Phoenix versus Kristoph, and I never got to prosecute _anyone_! Why, you'd think people think I don't count as a prosecutor!)

Apollo's ability could be useful for pinpointing exact moments in a case, though you'd ultimately still need evidence to back it up.

Athena Cykes … ah, I've only met Miss Cykes once, and I found her to be quite charming. But Gassy Gaspen was mean to her. That's no way to treat a lady! I have NEVER ONCE thought of treating my wife, Diana, that way. But I've gotten slightly off topic here. Miss Cykes has that little robot, Widget. And her mood matrix … well, to be sure, it only works when the subject is willing to go along with it—as opposed to the other two which don't necessarily require a subject's permission.

(It's like a Jedi mind trick, and I would know—Lucas actually considered me to play the role of Luke Skywalker in the very first Star Wars movie. It's true! Well, I don't have any actual evidence to prove that, but that's just a technicality. Even so, my agent—and myself—decided I was too good for the role! So I thought I'd try out prosecuting instead.)

Phoenix Wright might not be able to crack the psychotic chains (or whatever they're called), but at least he knows the witness is lying and can go from there.

(If we're talking about psychos, perhaps I could ask Phoenix to teach my bratty little brother a lesson? I'm sure he would if I asked nicely.)

So to summarize: Phoenix Wright has the magatama. Apollo Justice has the magic bracelet. Athena Cykes has Widget. Detective Skye has her forensic toys. Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth has Logic Chess! The lawyers in the land of Khura'in (or so Gassy tells me) have the Divination Séance.

The only person who would empathize with my hapless agony is my equally lackluster cousin, Cryden. But since he and Yelden moved to Asia, I never talk to him anymore.

Because ultimately, what do _I_ have in comparison?

Zilch.

Zippo.

Nada.

Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Perhaps this is the reason he has _no amor_ for me? Is this matter that's beyond my control…my non-gimmicky blandness…the _real reason_ why Noah Moore doesn't consider me a real prosecutor?!

I can just hear my wife Diane telling me to stop my whining and go gripe to my more sympathetic older brother, Wayland ….


	8. Marcia Mellow

_Mr. Coffee: The AA Suicide Squad makes an appearance in today's 2-part episode written by Jove's Boy...including a certain Satanic Succubus..._

* * *

 ** _"Resurrected Chaos"  
_ Starring Witness Marcia Mellow!  
 _  
_**

 ** _"THE ACE ATTORNEY AT NIGHT SHOW STARRING APOLLO JUSTICE" - From the script of Episode 121, 29 Oct 2017:_**

Starring Special Guest Host: MILES EDGEWORTH and featuring the lovely Marica Mellow from the Wright Kind of Wrong Playhouse!

GEORGE GRAY (offstage, over the speakers, as the theme music from The Price is Right begins to play): Here it comes! From the Bob Barker Studios at CBS in Hollywood—television's most exciting hour of fantastic prizes—The fabulous 60-minute Price is Right! Miles Edgeworth! Come on dooooowwwwnn! You're the next contestant on—

[The sound of a cracking whip is heard. GEORGE GRAY screams, and the theme music is abruptly cut off and replaced with The Great Revival—the theme song of MILES EDGEWORTH and FRANZISKA VON KARMA.]

FRANZISKA: LITTLE BROTHER! Get your ass on this stage, NOW!

[MILES EDGEWORTH appears onstage as the audience applauds him. The studio contains a section where the "No Hopers" sit. They include favorites such as DAHLIA HAWTHORNE, SIMON KEYES, KRISTOPH GAVIN, the PHANTOM, WENDY OLDBAG, LOTTA HART, SPARK BRUSHEL, ZAK GRAMARYE, DARYAN CRESCEND, and MATT ENGARDE.]

ENGARDE: Hey, look! It's Miles Edgeworth!

GRAMARYE: I thought Mr. Justice was supposed to be hosting the show today.

KEYES: Yeah, so did I. But this will do. Edgeworth and I have an old score to settle.

OLDBAG: Well, I make it my business to know everything there is to know about my Edgey-poo, and I must say, he looks scrumptious today!

[LOTTA raises her camera to take a photo of EDGEWORTH, but her camera is swiftly stolen by OLDBAG.]

LOTTA: What in tarnation! Just what do yew think yer doin'? Give that back to me right now!

OLDBAG: I think not! You leave my Edgey-poo alone! [She makes to throw the camera, but it is quickly taken away by KRISTOPH in an attempt to restore order!]

KRISTOPH: Enough! I'm sick of all your whining! I waited seven long years to commit two murders, and I certainly have no qualms about murdering you all right here IN COLD BLOOD! (aside) As for Mr. Justice, I put some atroquinine in his morning cup of lemon juice. And he even used it to water Charley. Seriously, why doesn't he just MARRY that blasted plant? [Suddenly, DAHLIA whacks him across the head with her parasol.]

DAHLIA: You can't kill me, Krusty! I'm already dead!

LOTTA: Oh yeah? Then answer me this … who's channeling yew?

CRESCEND: And why does your hair suddenly look like spiders?

[The No Hopers are surprised again as MINISTER OF JUSTICE INGA KARKHUUL KHURA'IN drops in from the ceiling above, holding a cigar in one hand. He doubles up his fist as if getting ready to throw a punch at the next person who even LOOKS at him.]

MINISTER INGA: Where is she? Where is Ga'ran hiding?

DAHLIA: I don't know. I'm perfectly innocent, you know. Never done anything wrong. No, no, no. Well, there was that one time I banged Feenie outside the art building, but that was just to give him the—

MINISTER INGA: I KNOW she's here!

THE PHANTOM: Nobody likes me.

LOTTA: That's kind of a given when you don't even have a face.

OLDBAG: Or when you ask Capcom to localize Edgey-poo's second game!

MINISTER INGA: Don't make me ask AGAIN!

KRISTOPH: Oh, we WILL NOT.

[KRISTOPH hefts a bust of MAXIMILLION GALACTICA and bashes MINISTER INGA's head in. The MINISTER falls, dead before he hits the floor.]

EDGEWORTH (pointing dramatically at OLDBAG): Arrest this woman!

A WHINY VOICE: Yes, chief! [WHINY VOICE's voice is amplified by a megaphone.] RIGHT AWAY, CHIEF!

[MIKE MEEKINS sprints onto the stage and gives an awkward salute.]

OLDBAG: But Edgey-poo, I didn't do anything! [She swings around and throws a punch at MEEKINS's face, but misses and gets his megaphone instead. MEEKINS lets out a scream as he somehow manages to strangle himself with his tie.]

EDGEWORTH: Get her OUT of here! We have to introduce our guest!

FRANZISKA (offstage): Fool! Foolish fool! Foolish fool of a foolishly foolish fool's foolishly foolish fool!

[EVERYONE suddenly goes silent, except for OLDBAG, who is still trying to kill MEEKINS, and MEEKINS, who is crying meekly.]

OLDBAG: Edgey-poo! You didn't mean it. Help me, Miley!

EDGEWORTH: I'LL THANK YOU NOT TO NICKNAME ME AFTER THAT TRASHY POP SINGER, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Meekins, arrest her again! [MEEKINS drops to the floor, having lost the battle with his necktie.] Oh, well. Someone please call an ambulance.

LOTTA: I'm still trying to wrap my head around what Ms. von Karma just said.

FRANZISKA: Oh, for crying out loud, you fools! I'll have you know that I could successfully diagram any sentence I speak in three minutes. Von Karmas are perfect in every way.

ENGARDE: Three minutes, Lawyer Girl? I learned to do that when I was like, uh … what's that place you go to for years where you learn stuff?

KRISTOPH: School?

ENGARDE: Yeah, that!

KRISTOPH: What an uneducated, INFERIOR bastard you are.

EDGEWORTH: OBJECTION! That's enough out of you two. [He speaks to the audience, who have been following the events among the No Hopers avidly.] Please join me in welcoming to the stage our special guest: from the Wright Kind of Wrong Playhouse, Marcia Mellow Ilaria! [As the applause begins, EDGEWORTH speaks to the No Hopers again.] Mr. Gramarye, Mr. Engarde, it's time for you to leave.

GRAMARYE: Us, leave?

ENGARDE: W-What did we ever do to you?

EDGEWORTH: Hmm, let's see. I could have a laundry list of items ready for you in mere minutes, but that's not the point. You see, our guest doesn't like you all that much. In fact, you're her least favorite characters. AHEM. As if you could even be called "characters." You for instance, Engarde. You were just a PLOT DEVICE, a means to an end, a way for me and my best friend to be reunited in the courtroom.

ENGARDE: WHAT friend?

EDGEWORTH: Phoenix Wright, of course. You've never heard of WrightWorth?

GRAMARYE: Sounds like a mattress brand to me.

EDGEWORTH: Maybe so. But it's one of our guest's favorite ships, so yeah. You two had best hit the road before she sees you.

THE ACE ATTORNEY AT NIGHT SHOW (post 2 of 2)

With special guest star Marcia Mellow

WOMAN'S VOICE: Hold it! [MARCIA MELLOW walks onto the stage, her gaze instantly zeroing in on the No Hopers. She hits a big RED BUTTON that has conveniently appeared on the table.]

RED BUTTON: Nngghoooogh! [Instantly, trapdoors open up underneath ZAK GRAMARYE and MATT ENGARDE. They disappear into the chasm, screaming the entire way down.]

MARCIA MELLOW: That's quite enough of that. [She continues her walk, stepping around the desk to where EDGEWORTH is sitting.]

MARCIA MELLOW: Beat it, Pops. I'm running the show today.

EDGEWORTH: W-What?

MARCIA MELLOW: I'm running the show! [She walks over to where the marquee is, tears APOLLO's name off, and puts her own up. The marquee now reads: "THE ACE ATTORNEY AT NIGHT SHOW STARRING MARCIA MELLOW ILARIA.] Miles, sweetheart, you may be my favorite prosecutor, and defendant, AND the defendant of my favorite case, Turnabout Goodbyes, but here, I reign supreme!

EDGEWORTH: Fine! Have it your way! I'm leaving. [He suits action to his words and stalks off the stage, grumbling about big RED BUTTONS and where RICHARD WELLINGTON could stick HIS banana.]

MARCIA MELLOW: H-He didn't have to leave! Who's going to update the autopsy report now?

OLDBAG: I'll do it! I'd do anything for my Edgey-poo … even walk over hot coals …

MARCIA MELLOW (as if she has only just noticed OLDBAG): You? You windy old bag? Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. We can't have that, can we? As a witness, I can't stand you! And you, and you! [She points in turn to LOTTA HART, then to poor SPARK BRUSHEL, who never even got to say a line, then pushes the RED BUTTON again.]

RED BUTTON: Nngghoooogh! [The three witnesses, MARCIA MELLOW's least favorite witnesses, fall into the chasm, screaming.]

OLDBAG: Edgey-poooooooooo!

MARCIA MELLOW: Now, Simon Keyes and Daryan Crescend. As for you two, you are my two favorite culprits …

CRESCEND: Why, thank you, milady. I'll write my next song just for YOU.

KEYES: I AM great, aren't I?

MARCIA MELLOW: I AM NOT FINISHED! Ahem. You are my favorites, yes. But you are still criminals, and if you do the crime …

RED BUTTON: Nngghoooogh! [MARCIA MELLOW pushes the RED BUTTON again, sending KEYES and CRESCEND to their doom.]

MARCIA MELLOW: You gotta pay the time! [With an evil smile, MARCIA MELLOW turns to regard the remaining No Hopers, and we are treated to the images of KRISTOPH GAVIN, DAHLIA HAWTHORNE, and THE PHANTOM cowering in fear.]

THE PHANTOM: We didn't do anything!

DAHLIA HAWTHORNE: Someone tell me because I'm totally clueless! About this, I mean!

APRIL MAY (offstage): Quit stealing my lines!

KRISTOPH: Well, if you don't mind, I'll be on my way. You know, places to go, people to kill. You can expect an atroquinine-laced postage stamp in the— [MARCIA MELLOW pushes the RED BUTTON once again. This time, nothing happens.]

DAHLIA: I told you. You can't kill me because I'm already dead. I don't know about these two losers, but whatever. They'll get theirs.

MARCIA MELLOW: And you'll get yours, Dahlia Hawthorne! [She beseeches the RED BUTTON.] Please! Get rid of them!

RED BUTTON: Nngghoooogh! [DAHLIA, KRISTOPH, and THE PHANTOM each make like a tree and leaf down the dark chasm.]

MARCIA MELLOW: Ah, thank you.

RED BUTTON (innocently): All you had to do was ask nicely.

MARCIA MELLOW: Yes, of course. Well, now that THEY'RE out of the way, it's time to introduce our first guest: she's my favorite assistant, and while Dual Destinies was my least favorite game, that may have changed had she appeared in it—you know her as a genius forensic analyst … the lovely, talented Ema Skye...GAH! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

[A tremor rocks the Bob Barker Studio, followed by a more powerful tremor. Soon, the entire back wall is blown up, revealing endless ocean behind the studio. EMA SKYE walks onstage at that moment and, in her shock, drops her entire 160-package box of Snackoos all over the floor...

 **TO BE CONTINUED**...


	9. Marcia Mellow - Part 2

_Mr. Coffee: It's darker than a moonless night when a story you never even wrote becomes flaming bait/battleground. Fan Fiction is supposed to all be in good fun, after all._

 _That being said, thanks to The Pudz and the other anon defense attorney on the review boards for their defense. Am s_ _ure the two writers who have done nothing but try to entertain fans appreciate it. Your defense has done me and my kitten proud._

 _Here's the concluding wrap-up by Jove's Boy from the previous chapter._

* * *

 ** _"Resurrected Chaos - Part 2"  
_** **Starring Witness Marcia Mellow!**

 ** _"THE EXCITING CONCLUSION OF THE ACE ATTORNEY AT NIGHT SHOW STARRING APOLLO JUSTICE" - From the script of Episode 121, 29 Oct 2017:_**

MARCIA MELLOW (in flashback): W-What just happened?

MAN'S VOICE (voice-over): Previously on the Ace Attorney at Night Show!

MARCIA MELLOW: This is—this is CRAZY!

EMA (walking over to MARCIA MELLOW's desk): I know, isn't it? But you know, that's kind of a given. This IS Ace Attorney, after all.

MAN'S VOICE (over the speakers): Uh, Marcia Mellow? You might want to … [He gives a yelp of pain.] Sniper! Stop that! You crazy rascal, where's your mother?

MARCIA MELLOW: Herman Crab! Is that you?

MAN'S VOICE (over the speakers): Yep, that's me. Your favorite witness, Herman Crab of the Shipshape Aquarium.

MARCIA MELLOW: Well, don't be shy! Come join us!

[HERMAN CRAB walks onstage. The Ace Attorney at Night theme music plays, but it is barely a whisper due to the wind rushing in from the ocean. There is a smattering of applause that quickly dies out as the audience is still stunned by the destruction of the studio. EMA rises to her full height.]

EMA: Audience! Show some manners for our NEW GUEST! [She snatches a bag of Snackoos from off the floor and then throws a fistful of the delectable delights at the audience, who merely remain stunned now that a crazy woman is throwing food at them.]

FROM THE AUDIENCE: MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH …

MARCIA MELLOW: Now wait just a minute! This is supposed to be my show! Who's making that racket?

MAN'S VOICE: That would be me! Your least favorite prosecutor! [He lets out a roar of evil laughter, and the camera reveals him to be MANFRED VON KARMA.]

MARCIA MELLOW: You. How do you know my name? Have we met before?

VON KARMA: W-What are you talking about? We see each other every time you open your DS, you know. I'm the legendary prosecutor Manfred von Karma, undefeated for 40 years!

MARCIA MELLOW: Ah. Well, you see, I rarely remember legendary prosecutors, especially ones who hurt Miles Edgeworth. They are like bugs to me—needless things to be SQUASHED!

EMA: This whole dialogue is starting to sound awfully familiar.

CRAB: Wait … isn't Manfred von Karma the one who was defeated by Phoenix Wright?

VON KARMA: A fledgling defense attorney with almost no experience! A foolish fool of a fool who gets by on BLUFFS and CONTRADICTIONS …

MARCIA MELLOW: What's your point?

VON KARMA: Suppose Capcom were to announce that Wright would NEVER AGAIN appear in the Ace Attorney franchise?! Why, that would—OW OW OWWWW! [As VON KARMA screams in pain, the unmistakable sound of a screeching penguin is heard.]

RIFLE: Skreeeee! Skreee!

VON KARMA: You idiot bird … what do you think you're—NOT MY CRAVAT! STOP!

RIFLE: Skreeeeeeeeeee!

SNIPER (popping up from CRAB's hair): Peep! Peep peep peep!

CRAB: Sniper! Stop that! [As CRAB tries to snatch the baby penguin, it dives back into his hair, then leaps out and waddles toward the studio audience to join its mother in making MANFRED VON KARMA's life hell. The audience begins cheering on the penguins as EMA opens a package of Snackoos and passes some to MARCIA MELLOW.]

MARCIA MELLOW: Ah, thank you! But we need to move on. Enough of this! [With a flourish, she slams her palm on the BIG RED BUTTON. A trapdoor opens beneath VON KARMA, and he plummets to his doom.]

BIG RED BUTTON: Nghoooooohh!

EMA (sadly): But I was enjoying the penguin torture so much … [CRAB clears his throat loudly.]

CRAB: Well, milady and milady, I must take my leave. I need to go feed the whales.

MARCIA MELLOW: Thanks for joining us, Mr. Crab! Even if it was just for a moment.

CRAB: Rifle! Sniper! Come!

RIFLE: Skreeeee!

SNIPER: Peep peep! [The baby penguin hops back into his master's hair, and the trio exits, CRAB holding RIFLE's flipper.]

EMA: I think von Karma raises an interesting point, though. What WOULD happen to the franchise if Phoenix Wright were to leave us? Do you suppose it could become …

MARCIA MELLOW: Ema Skye: Ace Detective?

EMA: Exactly!

MARCIA MELLOW: Well, you know … I'll always love Ace Attorney no matter what happens. I'd be upset if the Phoenix took flight forever, but if it would give another character a chance to shine, I'd be open to it. As long as it does justice to that character.

MAN'S VOICE: DID SOMEONE SAY JUSTICE? [The loud voice startles the two women, causing EMA to jump in fright. Her package of Snackoos bursts, scattering the selectable snacks across her lap.]

EMA: There's only one person I know with a voice that loud …

ANOTHER MAN'S VOICE: I heard it too, Herr Forehead. Let's get ready to rock!

EMA: And only one person I know who makes me want to … [She lets out a strangled scream and begins shoving fistfuls of Snackoos into her mouth.] MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH …

[A massive ship cuts into the view of the ocean and docks with the studio. On the deck of the ship are several smaller ships. APOLLO JUSTICE raises a flag that reads "S.S. ACE SHIP TRASH," and he and KLAVIER GAVIN leap off the stern and sprint into the studio.]

KLAVIER: Ach, Fräulein Detective, how lovely it is to see you again.

EMA: Shove it, Prosecutor Gavin! MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH …

MARCIA MELLOW: Mr. Justice! What is this?

APOLLO: It's the S.S. Ace Ship Trash, for all of your shipping enjoyment! Behold! [He gestures to the smaller ships in turn. As he does so, we hear various voice-overs.] The S.S. ButzKarma!

FRANZISKA: You foolish fool! You want me to model for ANOTHER picture book?!

LARRY: Aw, c'mon, Franzy! Our first book together was such a success that YEOW! [FRANZISKA cracks her whip sharply.] Franzy! Why you gotta be like dat!

MARCIA MELLOW: So much TENSION! It's really quite endearing.

APOLLO: The S.S. WrightWorth!

EDGEWORTH: OBJECTION!

PHOENIX: OBJECTION!

MARCIA MELLOW (dreamily): I could listen to that all day.

APOLLO: The S.S. DeLite!

DESIRÉE: Oh, Ronniekins! I was thinking of some fun additions to your Mask DeMasque costume. Think biker style! Try out a red leather jacket, Ronnie! We could match!

RON: Dessie, pleeeeeeeeze! I like my costume the way it iiiissss! But … [His voice starts to fade out.] I suppose I could think about one or two chain necklaces …

MARCIA MELLOW: If you want a happy marriage, treat your husband like a dog!

KLAVIER: Was ist das, meine Frau? … Ach, ich weiss! That's a line from a play I performed in when I was in high school. The title was "If a Man Answers." Ironically, one of the main characters is named Gene Wright.

APOLLO: I've heard of that one! That was one of Clay's favorites.

MARCIA MELLOW: Ah yes, Clay Terran. My favorite victim …

EMA: As a police detective, I'm going to politely shove what you just said to the back of my mind.

MARCIA MELLOW: Oh, I didn't mean it that way! I just mean that he's … a favorite character of mine, yeah. I wish we'd gotten some more time with him.

APOLLO (morosely): I know.

MARCIA MELLOW: Oh, Apollo. Don't be sad! Tell me about some of my other ships.

APOLLO: Oh, I'm fine. I'm fine … I'm Apollo Justice and I'm FINE! Anyway, yeah … here's one for you! CykesQuill!

ATHENA: Simon! Will you stop treating me like I'm just a kid?

BLACKQUILL: I swear I will protect you, Athena! Down to my last dying breath!

MARCIA MELLOW: He really IS a samurai, isn't he? Loyal through and through.

APOLLO: Uh … this next one is kind of awkward …

KLAVIER: Never mind, Herr Forehead. Let me join your jam session up here. FaraSkye!

EMA: Well, Kay is a very nice girl, you know. We'd make an interesting pair, wouldn't we? She's an honest thief, AND a fan of science!

KLAVIER: And last but not least … huh? KlaPollo? Herr Forehead, Marcia Mellow ships us! [He tosses his hair and begins snapping his fingers.] And I can't say that I blame her.

EMA (muttering): Better him than me.

KLAVIER: Herr Forehead here does get quite prickly whenever the subject of Klavier Gavin comes up.

APOLLO (roaring at the audience): Do you HEAR this guy? He's so arrogant, he talks about himself in the third person … he thinks he's sooooooo cute with his glimmering locks of hair and his radiant blue eyes and chiseled muscles and that smooooooth tenor voice and the way he … [As APOLLO rambles on, MARCIA MELLOW addresses the audience.]

MARCIA MELLOW: And with Mr. Justice's surprisingly SPECIFIC denials … it is time for me to take my leave. Please tune in next week for another special guest on the Ace Attorney at Night show! And remember my mantra: "What tangled webs we weave when we practice to deceive. So tangled, we catch ourselves in the process." Good night everyone! Uh … anyone want some Snackoos?

 **END**


	10. Lynn Gweeny

_Mr. Coffee: I don't even want to know HOW Ruffles Man was able to ascertain the true identity of the culprit..._

* * *

" **The Thief Who Stole My Heart"  
** **Starring Witness Lynn Gweeny!**

Miles: *finger tapping on forearm mode* How is it my investigations always end up at Gatewater Land? My desire is to avoid anything related to that wriggling piece of plywood at all costs!

Kay: Well I'M happy to be back at your side as your ACE assistant, Mr. Edgeworth!

Miles: For the record, I'M not the one who called you that! It was title YOU thereby dubbed upon your person all by YOURSELF!

Kay: Admit it! You know you'd be lost without me! Hee! And crime doesn't stand a chance against me and Little Thief! After all…I AM the most righteous of the righteous! The legendary Great Thief! HOLD IT!

Miles: W-w-whoa! Kay! Don't jinx this case any worse than it already is with that sort of preamble! It's bad for my heart...

Kay: *dramatic pause* Even in the depths of night, when no other bird dares to take flight, one alone soars to shine the light of righteousness on the world's blight… You know the words, so say it with me!

Miles: *crosses arms* No.

Kay: Come _on_! Stop being such a buzz-kill! Even in the depths of night, when no other bird dares to take flight, one alone soars to shine the light of righteousness on the world's blight…

Lynn Gweeny: …And that one is me! For I am the Great Thief, Yatagarasu! Or, well, _you_ not _me_ , but anyway….

Kay: *beams* Now _that's_ what I'm talking about, girl! At least not everyone here is stick in the mud! High Five!

Lynn Gweeny: *high fives Kay* Hello, Mr. Edgeworth, Kay. I'm Lynn Gweeny, the witness you two were supposed to meet regarding the crime of who had the audacity to come here, impersonate a police officer, try to get free food and free admission, and when he failed, proceeded to moon everyone with his bare buttocks before fleeing the scene.

(at the exact same time)

Miles: What?! What kind of cockamamie nonsense is _this_?

Kay: Cool! You know who we are?! That must mean you're an ACE AA Fan!

Lynn Gweeny: Guilty!

Kay: So, Lynn Gweeny, let's talk some more about your yen for AA! Fave and least fave game?

Lynn Gweeny: Gotta say Spirit of Justice for least favorite. Not because the game is bad but because the cases were too long and if I couldn't focus, so I couldn't' understand easily what was going on, unlike the original trilogy, which I prefer over the first AA1 game, but I would like to see AAI3 with story about Edgey's mother and Edgey's life in Germany with Herr Manfred and Franziska, as my favorite game is - AAI2! The twist made me almost got heart attack. Everything was so perfect, the soundtrack, the storyline, the character development…. Stupid Capcom for not localizing it. What a fatal mistake, baby!

Miles: Hmph! I could point out how this line of questioning is completely unrelated to the case, but that was actually true, so carry on, Lynn Gweeny. Favourite and least fave case?

Lynn Gweeny: Least favorite - Turnabout Big Top, what a ridiculous case. Favorite - Bridge to the Turnabout. And The Forgotten Turnabout. I cried for one liter of tears! Wah!

Kay: Oh you are too sweet! I just love you to pieces! Am I your fave assistant, too?

Lynn Gweeny: You're tied with Maya. She and Phoenix are my second OTP though. Narumayo, I think I don't need to explain more, cross a burning bridge, risked his reputation as a lawyer to protect Maya…. what a beautiful bond!

Miles: Yes, Wright was always the romantic fool for love! But I can't fault you for loving those two fools together. Dare I ask who your FIRST place pairing is then?

Lynn Gweeny: Well YOU guys, Kayworth (Edgeworth x Kay) of course!

*both blush madly*

Miles/Kay: *simultaneously* _Us_?! Why?!

Lynn Gweeny: Why? Ah, if I say all my answers it would turn into a novel. Their relationship is so beautiful in AAI2, when Edgeworth risked his prosecutor's badge just to protect Kay even though they only knew each other for a while, it shows they have a strong bond. And Kay's reaction with: " _Why would you go that far just for me…?"_ Ahh so beautiful! But HOLD IT! They have 9 years age gap! Well, it's only 9 years age gap, it isn't weird, in my country even there is a 16 years old boy married with a 74 years old woman! Age is just a number, isn't it? *impish grin*

Miles: *still red*: Ahem, yes, well, moving on… Maya Fey or Trucy Wright?

Lynn Gweeny: I can't choose. I choose _you_ , Pikachu! *vanishes*

Kay: I got one! Phoenix Wright or Apollo Justice?

Lynn Gweeny: Phoenix Wright! Because there will be no Ace Attorney if he isn't around! If Capcom ever announced no more Phoenix, I'd scream: HOLD IT! OBJECTION! THAT'S SO OBJECTIONABLEEEEEE! At least first make a backstory about Phoenix's parents, dammit! Also, about AJ game - I liked Ema more in _RFTA_ than in AJ – she was so grumpy! But at least we had hobo Nick, who I'd prefer over college Feenie! Hobo Phoenix because he is so handsome and yummy *slurp*

Miles: Uurrngh! That is my _childhood best friend_ you are openly drooling over, Miss Lynn Gweeny!

Kay: Jealous much? Don't deny it! Hee!

Lynn Gweeny: Don't get worked up Mr. Edgeworth!

Miles: Ngh! I-I'm not worked up over anyone! A-And I'm NOT jealous!

Lynn Gweeny: For what it's worth, my favorite prosecutor is the one and only Miles Edgeworth! Handsome, elegant, and his lines are so priceless! Plus he looked a bit like my ex! XD

Kay: Huh. So your ex-BF was all uptight and barely smiled either, huh?

Miles: OBJECTION! I DO smile…I just see nil point in walking around all the time grinning like an idiot!

Kay: Yeah, yeah, keep being in denial, you sourpuss!

Miles: What?! I am NOT in denial!

Kay: Anyway…Tee hee! Lynn Gweeny – fave witness?

Lynn Gweeny: The one and only Larry Butz, because he makes me laugh until I fall off my chair!

Dick Gumshoe: Hey pals! Kay! Mr. Edgeworth! I just saw the security tape of the man who mooned everyone while the witness was present! Take a look!

*pops surveillance tape in and Lynn Gweeny and Kay immediately start giggling at the sight of the man's VERTICAL SMILE filling up the screen while Miles recoils*

Miles: Arngh! Gumshoe – are you trying to make me cut your salary again after just giving you a raise?! A little warning before springing another man's posterior upon me – HOLD IT! I know that rear! That's no mere butt! That's…. LARRY'S butt!

Gumshoe: Ew! Larry?! What the hell!

Kay: Well, at least we found our culprit! Lynn Gweeny, don't worry, you won't need to identify his butt in a lineup – the priceless look on Mr. Edgeworth's face is conclusive proof enough that we've CRACKED the case!

Gumshoe: This really shouldn't surprise me. After all, when something smells…

Kay and Lynn Gweeny : *singsong in unison* It's probably the Butz!


	11. Hal Litosis

_Mr. Coffee: Despite the unfortunate moniker of this witness, the most foul, offensive factor present was a certain red-headed wannabe journalist…_

* * *

 **" 'Til the Cows Come Home"  
** **Starring Witness Hal Litosis!**

 _Howdy, friends and neighbors! It's time for another exciting episode of "On the Witness Stand."_

 _We caught up with Hal Litosis earlier today in People Park. As we approached him for an interview, we noticed someone was already there talking with him. The person in question was a fuzzy, cotton candied-haired woman with a rather brash and abrasive voice. Since we're not above seemingly innocent pranking here at Admin Central, we decided to see how Mr. Litosis did in an interview with the infamous Lotta Hart. In the meantime, we made a call to a certain detective for backup..._

 ** _[Transcript of Interview with Hal Litosis; Journalist Lotta Hart; Sunday 6 August 2017, 8:48 a.m.]_**

LOTTA HART: "Let's cut to the chase, y'all. So ah see yer name's Hal Litosis and that yer a fan of that there Ace Detective novel?"

HAL LITOSIS: "Uh … that's Ace Attorney. It's a video game series, and yeah … I'm a fan. But you should already know this, Lotta."

LOTTA HART: "What's that yer saying? Fine, then. It says here ah should ask yew about yer least favorite Ace Detective—ah mean, Ace Attorney character."

HAL LITOSIS: "My least favorite character, huh? Well, you see, there's this case in 'Justice for All' called 'Reunion and Turnabout,' and … "

LOTTA HART: "Now yew wait just a minute! Yer not about to say Ah'm your least favorite, cuz— "

HAL LITOSIS: "No! It's not that. I'm talking about Morgan Fey."

LOTTA HART: "Yer response here reads like so: 'Ah like kids and despise her for what she put Pearl through. She doesn't care nothing about the gurl's well-being, her happiness, nor how she feels. Believe it or not, if Pearls knew what her plan was in regard to Maya she may think twice about executing everything said in a note in T&T. She is using her in my opinion.' What's this T&T yer talking about? Do yew mean Morgan Fey was using dynamite?"

HAL LITOSIS: "No! You weren't in that game."

LOTTA HART: "Just because ah wasn't smart enough to be in that game doesn't mean— "

HAL LITOSIS: "Let me tell you about my favorite Ace Attorney memory!"

LOTTA HART: "Why are yew raising yer voice at me?"

HAL LITOSIS: "It's Matt Engarde. My favorite was when he got his tail handed to him with Phoenix and Miles teaming up."

LOTTA HART: "Ah was in that one, don'tcha know. Yew could have said so. Okay then. Mah notes say that yer favorite persecutor is Miles Edgeworth."

HAL LITOSIS: "That's prosecutor … "

LOTTA HART: "Ah was a witness in that trial, yew know! Then it says that yer favorite assistant is … Kay fer a day?"

HAL LITOSIS: "Kay Faraday."

LOTTA HART: "That's what ah said! Kay fer a day! But why? Why would yew wanna be Kay fer a day?"

HAL LITOSIS: "That's Kay Faraday, Lotta! She's too awesome. And yew … I mean, you never know what she will pull out of her sleeve."

 _At that point, we realized that Lotta's unique Southern brogue was starting to rub off on Hal Litosis, so we put our second prank into action. With the help of Detective Gumshoe, we got Missile to chase Lotta away, stealing her camera bag in the process. We figured that would keep her busy for a while, so we took advantage of the distraction to ask Hal Litosis a few more questions._

 _Since we were on the subject of assistants, we asked Hal Litosis if he preferred Maya Fey or Trucy Wright as an assistant. His answer: "Maya Fey, hands down! Trucy is a good assistant, but nothing can beat Maya's presence as an assistant." On the topic of Phoenix Wright or Apollo Justice, he said, "Phoenix Wright all THE way. He's funny, adventurous, and exotic, I can go on but the list is long."_

 _Well, despite this Wrighter's massive crush on Apollo, he definitely loves Phoenix for the same reasons, and is sure that quite a few of you do, too! We're grateful to Hal Litosis for spending some time with us! Even if he had to put up with Lotta for a time. Thanks for joining us for another edition of "On the Witness Stand!"_


End file.
